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Oscars 2012 Live Blog! | The Clapper Bored

Oscars 2012 Live Blog!

Congratulations on finding The Clapper Bored’s Oscars 2012 Live Blog! That’s half the battle won. The stream will begin at around 11pm GMT with coverage from the Red Carpet and will go on into the early hours of the morning. To kick things off, here’s a video of myself covering the predictions for this year’s ceremony:

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Oscars 2012 Live Blog:

04.41

So that’s me pretty much done. I’ll probably stick around on Twitter for the next five minutes and then sleep because I’ve got an Anglo Saxon essay due in less than 24 hours… Compared to Michel Hazanavicius my life sucks…

04.40

So, despite my earlier scepticism due to Hugo’s technical wins, The Artist is the big winner from 2012. Picture, Director, Actor…etc, not a bad haul for a silent, black and white movie that I hadn’t seen until yesterday. People have suggested that my seeing a movie doesn’t actually affect its Oscar chances but I didn’t see Moneyball winning…

04.39

THE ARTIST WINS BEST PICTURE!

04.30

Meryl Streep just won Best Actress (again) despite everyone jumping ship and suddenly deciding that Viola Davis was going to win. Not the world’s most humble speech thus far but, as she says, whatever. I’m really tired and I’d like this whole thing to be over by tea time tomorrow.

04.23

Just a couple of awards left and probably the most closely contested of the night will be Best Actress. Meryl Streep and Viola Davis battling it out in what looks like a tough call… Still think it’ll be Streep.

04.19

Jean Dujardin’s just won Best Actor and he looks really happy and charming and everything that people tell me I’m not…

04.09

Tasteful In Memoriam section is promptly followed by the sight of Nick Moran with his feet all over the FUCKING SOFA!!?@&$!

03.59

We just saw some guff about Honorary Oscars which are about as relevant to the ceremony that we’re all watching as Alex Zane.

03.54

Right, so Michel Hazanavicius just won Best Director which means that Hugo no longer has any chance of winning Best Film. Phew! I thought it was going to be a close call there. Michel looks like a massive, overgrown hipster but, at the same time, I’m really envious of him having an Oscar and sharing a bed with Berenice Bejo.

03.44

Saving Face has won best Short Doc which is another big win for films from Islamic countries (following Iran’s win for A Separation). Seems particularly timely although Morgan Freeman ain’t impressed.

03.41

I think that The Shore is sufficiently Norther Irish for us to call that a British win.

03.38

So Woody won Adapted Screenplay for Midnight in Paris which I’m very pleased about. Does indicate there’s a trend of not that much love being shown to The Artist (which is a surprise to me), which could open the door for that weird little film Hugo…

03.28

The Descendants wins Adapted Screenplay which is no surprise to me. Beat Hugo as well so that’s a double bonus tonight. Alexander Payne and co are giving a very strange acceptance speech. I enjoyed the film and am, therefore, pleased for them.

03.21

OMG. Forgot to update this. Flight of the Concords (or a bit of it at least) just won Best Original Song and Ludovic Bourc won Score for his composing work on The Rapist… I mean, The Artist…

03.02

Christopher Plummer wins Supporting Actor and I’m very pleased indeed. Beginners is a bit of a shabby film but it’s a lovely performance and he’s a lovely guy and wonderful actor. And what a charmingly humble and self deprecatory speech.

02.57

Hugo has just won Visual Effects which is a sham given that it was up against Harry Potter and Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Christ almighty… this is looking like a dangerously Hugocentric night already.

02.48

So Undefeated won Best Documentary and the guy fucking swore during his acceptance speech. Rango’s just won animated film as well and I’m starting to get weird twitches in my mouth.

02.40

I’m having a bit of an internet crisis but just saw Cirque du Soleil flying around with some pretend relevance to movies…

02.30

Dragon Tattoo wins Best Editing which is great fun because all Fincher films are cut like a boss. They didn’t expect it either though. Hugo has just taken the two sound design Oscars and I’m starting to get worried that Hugo is going to be a surprise winner in some of the bigger awards too… eurgh.

02.23

A few tedious filling in bits and pieces. Yadda yadda. Time for more awards!

02.12

Best Supporting Actress goes to Octavia Spencer and precisely no one is surprised.

02.08

Foreign Language goes to form and is won by A Separation. Shockingly that’s the first Iranian film to win this award, which is sup rising given the country’s rich cinematic history.

01.59

Iron Lady wins Best Make-Up. Primary achievement there was making Dennis Thatcher look like Jim Broadbent. Or the other way round. Charming speech though…

01.57

The Artist wins Best Costume Design (which, strangely, was given more time than Cinematography or Art Direction) which is a good thing because I really, really don’t want Hugo or Scorcese to win Picture or Director…

01.51

Billy Crystal doesn’t have enough barb. Said it.

01.47

Hugo has just won Cinematography and Art Direction which is utter bollocks. Decent film but it’s fluff and cinematography really ought to have gone straight to Emmanuel Lubezki for The Tree of Life.

01.38

So, Billy Crystal has entered through one of his customary montages. I enjoyed it. Monologue time.

01.30

It’s starting! Yay/about fucking time.

01.22

Ten minutes until kick-off folks. If you’re actually reading my live-blog then, congratulations! You’ve made a better decision than the thousands of E! viewers…

01.05

Apparently the actual ceremony is never going to start. Instead we’re going to persist with this cavalcade of stars whoring themselves out for the studios in a myriad of dresses and suits made by people with foreign names. That’s good TV.

00.12

Bit of a delay whilst I flick between E! and Sky Movies looking for something of interest to report back on. Both channels seem to have equally disappointing coverage of this event. I’d like to point a particularly wagging finger at Alex Zane, Nick Moran and Natalia Tena on Sky Movies Premiere who have managed to make smug, angry and uninformed even more irritating traits than they would normally be…

23.41

I’m going to update you on my sofa position. It’s hard to lie as I’d like to and also type on my laptop at the same time. My legs went dead after a few minutes like that and I’ve now gone supine, with my computer balanced on a cushion. Further insightful commentary will be available throughout the night…

23.26

I’m finding that I have surprisingly little to say about the proceedings on the Red Carpet, other than slightly pervy comments about Shailene Woodley…

23.15

Ok, I hope that I’ve got my technical issues out of the way early on and that this live-blog can start being as scintillating as I’ve been promising. So far I’ve seen Rose Byrne and Berenice Bejo on the Red Carpet and they both appeared to be having a nice evening. That is, after all, the most important thing about the Oscars…

22.56

Welcome to The Clapper Bored’s live-blog of Oscar Night 2012! I hope you’re all as excited as I am and are gearing up for a horrendously protracted two hours of red carpet coverage…

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